I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
