Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
