I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Randomize
