I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize