it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
