there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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