He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
