I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize