you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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