I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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