erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
