i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
