My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
