just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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