I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
