the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
