I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
As shirtless as possible
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
