I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
