They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
