oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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