she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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