ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drake has all the answers
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
