So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
