No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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