i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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