She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
