Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
