This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
