Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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