My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize