i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
