: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
