Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
