If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
