So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
