I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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