did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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