There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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