pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
