Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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