He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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