3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
