idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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