Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
