Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
