the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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