So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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