I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
