i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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