I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
