you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
there is puke in my bra ... again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
