what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize