I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
