just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
