I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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