i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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