make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
