Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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