If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We got so high we made milksteak
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
