Kiss
Puke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
