She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
