Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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