Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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