Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
