Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
