I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
