I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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