The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
