I think I am morally bankrupt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
