I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
