I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
