i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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