she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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