matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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