dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
