the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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