This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
