I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
