Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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