it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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