SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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