i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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