if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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