I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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