I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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