I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
