Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
