Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
