He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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