put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
