I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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