yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
