Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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