I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
